kekeke , i have ever so cleverly decided to start blogging daily throughout this period of studious lonerism.
to provide a brief background, ive been getting pretty devastating grades. call it humbling or a test from God, but whatever it is , it doesnt change the fact that i know that i havent been giving this my all . rather , i havent been giving anything my all . failure in school is not an option (hence the title ... its a summarized quote from eminem "success is my only *swearwords* option, failure's not"), but more importantly, failing Jesus is not an option. and that brings me to the foreground.
ive been slacking , period . i know that the spiritual disciplines; fasting, praying, bible reading, worship .. these things do not justify my salvation. i know that. but shouldnt my love for God create an indestructable craving to know all things Godly? it hasnt been like that, and satan got wind of it. a little annoying voice inside has just been telling me 'you dont know the Bible enough, you dont know Jesus' character enough, you dont know anything so you have no grounds to call yourself a Christian". oh false to the max, and a damn you to the devil. that and amongst other things were keeping my faith at bay - dousing water on my fire for God.
so i went home this weekend and got a couple things done. firstly, daddy and i devised a very comprehensive study plan, encompassing what he likes to call 'the three stages of studying' (so hardcore, oh asian parents). essentially, i have no play time, it is only class time, study time, and basic needs time (eating, sleeping - very little). of course some things will change - im already allowing myself lenience to go to celebrate hannah's birthday, watch harry potter, possibly attend the caisa launch party, and ofc acf. but there will be no facebook (psw has been changed by a friend and thus no access), no youtube, no tumblr - only twitter and blogspot. at least i have two social networking sites to keep me sane. also no tv time when eating ... sadface i love watching dead people shows and gossip girl and house and vampire diaries and glee .. yeah. anyways the second thing that was accomplished was a revival of the spirit. oh it was so needed , and thank you jaeson ma for waking me up, but instead i thank the HS for anointing him to do so. the numbers were 2000 nations, to 600, to 200. currently 200 nations that do not know Christ Jesus. let me put it into context with Matthew 24:14 where it says "And this gospel of the kingdom will be preached in the whole world as a testimony to all nations, and then the end will come." , yeah , so if this patten continues, in 24 months Jesus Christ could be chilling here somewhere on earth... how. terrifying. is. that. why am i living my life the way i am now, worrying about such small things, not following the Great Commission, srsly . wtheck . all of this is, of course, just a possibility. He will come like a theif in the night right - we will never know, but living every day like i'm gonna be seeing my Father soon sounds pretty good to me. challenging, but good.
and so i decided that this was the perfect test. admist the stress and worries of school. crankiness and exhaustion from lack of sleep, i will try to dissolve my complacency and exercise some self discipline. to find God when i'm broken, or to find God when im the happiest poop alive and be thankful, to let it be well with my soul.
this blogging is only here to keep certain people accountable, but also for myself to look back later and evaluate myself. this is not a promise to my friends that i'll be able to undergo a radical transformation, but rather this is just for God.
3:01am !! gonna finish some baybo reedingz and zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz till my 7am wake.
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