A Passing

So today is the day before I enter, possibly, the last year of my university degree. Its also the day that wraps up extremely eventful summer. I am also finally 21 years old today. What a monumental day, but I am crawling through today with a sour aftertaste from this past summer and butterflies gnawing at my stomach for what is to come.

This summer, as aforementioned, has been extremely eventful. I have overcome various fears of mine of exploring the unknown and learning to be a bit more alert & "street smart" halfway across the world, going on huge roller coasters, and accepting distance between people I love. I really do thank the Lord that my summer, for the most part, did not idly pass by albeit not being able to find a job. All these small events in which I have seemingly wandered from the Lord still seem like blessings in the end when I realize He has been calling me back beside Him this entire time.

Summer has left me comfortable though. I love my family whom I enjoyed the summer with. I love my friends whom I got to see twice a week, or more - and I love, especially, being able to see them grow closer to the Lord. I love the schedule of being able to have options of running or bumming or studying whenever I wanted to. In contrast, the looming responsibilities of school and masters/internship/comp nursing, and being unable to see the plans after first semester scares me witless. Albeit Japan being a fantastic experience to dive into the 'unknown', the repercussions of what I will do this coming semester will have a lifelong impact, and that is not nearly as scary as a 1 month trip.

Truthfully speaking, I dont want to leave the comforts of my home. I enjoy being sheltered and taken care of and living in naivety. Such a sudden transition of 'growing up' is not something I'm prepared for, nor do I really think I'll ever be prepared for. But then I have the Lord.

The LORD himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged. 

So in sum, I suppose this is a moment of sinking in despond, of knowing I have to take the backseat in people's priorities and in making my own life decisions, but still being kept afloat by the Lord.

I hope today passes by soon. This is a bit too bittersweet for my liking.