why am i so adamant on things ive placed upon myself? i should know better to expect that from other people as well. i suppose im too arrogant to apologize verbally but inside i beat myself up for not being able to do better. arrogance also gets in the way of showing transparency - not showing signs to back down, to show weakness, or tears, or sadness, or any hurt. enough for me to lie through my teeth ... and im still lying through my teeth.
although of course i still believe in what i believed in , just the fact that i failed at being empathetic when that was exactly what i was pushing for is a very humbling experience.
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