this post might be the most personal entry ive posted on this blog in a while . and all the while my thoughts are clear , i cant seem to arrange them into sentences that make sense - so bear with me please.

a fresh start was really needed. this whole time i have been lugging so much emotion with me , just investing more and more each day into something that was not substantial. its brought me a lot of anguish, hurting, crying and etc. because of this, i was slowly changing into somebody i was displeased with - ive never held resentment for this long - but i am, i havent torn myself apart in a while - but i was, and more so i havent felt this empty in a long time .

so i decided to turn things around . to establish that i cant continue doing this . and to keep it short , really that i need to stop investing my emotions in it - if it happens , it will happen and if it doesnt then so be it . it isnt up to me nor him anymore , its up to my Father God who knows all things and means the best for everyone .

just taking one step closer to Jesus .